Holes

I find it funny that God often speaks to us in various ways. Particularly through things that we enjoy doing. For me, it’s movies… Yes, I am a massive movie-lover kind of woman. I fall in love with a good story. My family and I enjoy a plethora of movies we can quote word for word. It’s strangely taken on a life of its own, but I love how it connects our family together and creates lasting memories.

A few weeks ago, as I scrolled the never-ending list of movies on Disney plus, I came across an older Disney film based off of the book “Holes”

“Mmmm I haven’t seen this in a while. Why not?” That was my exact reaction. I was in the middle of reorganizing some things. So, I put it on as some background noise. I watched in between my loads of laundry and carrying items from one end of the room to the other. As some of you may know, there is one particular scene in the movie where Stanley steals the truck of Mr. Sir in order to find and rescue Zero. At this point in the movie, Zero was a character that ran away from camp.

The whole premise of this film is taken place at a delinquent camp for young boys who have committed a crime. Their punishment was to dig 5-foot holes each and every day until their sentence was up. The camp is right in the middle of a desert. No civilization, no food, no water for miles… just holes. A tumbleweed couldn’t even successfully tumble by because every few feet of flat ground would inevitably lead to another hole. Just to give you an idea of the scene I was watching in this movie.

I didn’t know how God would use that scene to speak to me until a few days later.

One Friday afternoon I was feeling that same feeling all over again… It’s the feeling that sticks around like a bad cough after weeks of getting over the flu only this feeling never quite goes away.

Loneliness has a way of hitting you fast and hard on some days. Sometimes I can feel it coming and sometimes it strikes out of nowhere, and nearly takes me out.

“Tia,” I say to my best friend, “The other day I was watching the old Disney movie Holes.. that’s what I feel like. I’ve struggled with singleness now for 18 years and I’m tired of it! It seems like I’m constantly going through the same rhythms over and over and over again. Like I keep falling into a hole one after another. I’m walking, I’m trusting Jesus, I’m serving, and then I fall right back into another hole. Why you ask? Because of a comment, someone made, because I messaged 7 men on a dating app and got no response because another weekend has rolled around and I don’t have any plans… Tia, I fall in those holes and this is what happens…. I cry I pray, and I weep some more. I pray I sing out praise, and I sing out my frustration. I talk to God and then I may call you. A few days pass and then I can feel God bring little pieces of hope back into my heart one by one. I’m reminded to trust Him and take another step forward. As tired as my feet are at that moment the power of the Holy Spirit provides strength for me to take another step. One step at a time God helps me crawl out of the hole and I see the light of day. I see hope, I see joy, and I see the possibilities of what the future may hold. I breathe and God and I start walking again... A few days go by, a few weeks go by, and right back into a hole, I fall… The Hole of loneliness, sadness, questions, prayers, and the incredible effort of surrendering and trusting Jesus again. It’s a relentless rhythm I have fought for a long time, Tia. All I see are holes. All I’m

falling into are holes.

In my case, every single one of my holes represents an emotional struggle. Maybe these holes represent something different in your life. A memory that never goes away, or a struggle that keeps holding you back. My holes represent my journey of letting go of my dreams/desires and trusting God to take care of my heart.

You would think that I would have no problem trusting God with my heart when I’ve already trusted Him with my eternal life. You would think after 18 years of struggling I would be a little further along than I am now…

Can I be transparent? I don’t know how to not keep falling into these holes. I don’t know what Biblical tips I could give you to keep you from falling into your holes, but here’s what I do know. I do know the one who keeps pulling me out. I can tell you who gives me strength causing my feet to keep climbing until I’m out of the hole. I can tell you who breathes life back into my heart with words of love, truth, and grace.

Jesus.

Our mighty, always faithful, never forsaking us, Jesus.

A few days after my conversation with Tia, I was driving to work when an idea, I believe was from God, hit me. Maybe all I can see are holes in front of me. Maybe all I can see is the struggle in front of me and the hardship in front of me. However, if I take a few minutes to remember, turn around, and look back I see each of the holes I’ve climbed out of as representations of God’s love and faithfulness.

I see each hole as a marker of God yet again taking the time to hear my cry, listen to my heart and comfort me with his love and peace. I see each hole as an encouragement of how far God has taken me and how far He’s willing to go to not give up on me. I don’t see all the holes I’ve fallen into I see the arms of a loving Father who has caught me every single time.

Friends, I don’t know who needed this encouragement today, but whatever you struggle with or for however long you’ve struggled with it, remember that Jesus is faithful. Remember that His love for you is grand, big, beautiful, and never-ending.

If your feet are exhausted, if your heart is heavy remember the one who fights for you. Remember the one who alone can carry you. Remember the one who’s willing to listen to your heart's cry, help you grieve, and help you heal.

Women of God you are not too much for God. That is a lie I believed for a while, and I don’t want any other woman to believe that lie from the enemy.

You are NOT too much for God.

Keep going to Him, keep telling him your heart, and be amazed at how gentle He is and how much grace He will bestow upon you.

He knew you would be here before you did, and He’s willing to love you and teach you how to walk through it with His strength. We are not strong enough, but God is.

I am praying these verses will comfort all of us, today.

Loving Enduringly,

Lo

(Exodus 14:14) “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

(Psalm 46:10) “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

(Psalm 28:7) “The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him.”

(Psalm 139:17-18) “How precious to me are your thoughts, o God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.”

(Philippians 4:19) “And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”