Discovering the Pathway of Processing...

Lately, I've been processing many different things, which explains why I haven't written another article in a while. There's been an array of other articles I've tried to write, but my words were always too jumbled up, and although pain is terrific inspiration, sometimes it's was so bad no amount of words could articulate it…

The word "Process" used not to scare me quite as much. A few years ago, this word would have positive and exciting connotations attached to it. I would gleefully look into the future for what was coming around the corner, and anticipate the result of the process being nothing short of miraculous. Now, I find myself straight up, hardcore, struggling to find any joy attached to this word. 

Walking through a process is very hard. 

Within the realm of adulthood, I have been walking through the process of countless life lessons and transitions in the last two years. Can I just say that adulthood is not a journey for the faint of heart! The process of budgeting, debt, dating, dog parenting, job expectations, or finding multiple avenues to increase income, is complicated. 

While we're on the topic, never in college did I learn the importance of finding multiple ways to make an income. I grew up with the naive idea that I could support myself with a great-paying career that had terrific benefits. Needless to say, I was a little surprised when I found out that wasn't the case, at least not for me. Trying to process and learn what I can and can't afford has been frustrating, to say the least. 

I've also been attempting the process of dating, and many of you already know how much I struggle in that department. Let the record show I did try online dating, and I hated it. For one, it's unnecessarily expensive and two, it's just not for me. Send me your thoughts on online dating in the comment section below and write amen if you can't afford online dating either. (haha!)

In the midst of all that, the hardest process I'm trying to navigate through is disappointment. There are several days I wonder why my life has turned out as it has. This doesn't mean I'm ungrateful for the many blessings and gifts I do have; it simply means there are things I imaged differently in my life. 

Why Lord are you making me stay in a season of singleness when I would rather be anywhere else? 

Why, Lord, have you allowed my heart to feel so much pain when I feel so incredibly left out and lonely? 

Why Lord did you allow me to spent two months writing and preparing for a small online writing opportunity if You knew it wasn't going to work out? (I was so thrilled about it only to find out the position was filled last year, and it was a mistake the job was posted…)

Why, when I'm on the brink of moving out, does something happen, and suddenly I can't afford it anymore?? 

Why is this all so frustrating? 

For two years, these questions have penetrated and punctured my heart. I've wondered, prayed, cried, worshiped, and have gotten angry because I'm disappointed. I don't know the answers to make my situation better. I believe in the tender loving care of God, and I know He sees my struggle, but sometimes it's hard to let go. It's hard to surrender every day instead of spinning my wheels, trying to figure it out.   

God has taught me more lessons within these years than I could ever write on. For one, I've learned more about my personality and how I'm wired. Based on my results, I learned and totally agree that I am a two on the Enneagram. As a two, I'm wired with a sincere desire to help, encourage, and support people. I'm naturally good at finding the silver lining in any hard situation and encouraging people to see God in the hard places. However, I'm learning there is a danger to this. 

I'm quick to encourage others, as well as myself, when tough situations arise, causing me to find the silver lining fast and in a hurry. I've realized I do this, so I don't have to feel the gravity of the situation nor feel the pain that could be lurking behind the door. It's a simple mechanism I've subconsciously developed to better help myself see the good, gather myself, move on, speak God's truth and, in other words, get over it. 

This is dangerous. 

This is dangerous because I rob myself of walking through the process with God or understanding my feelings and allowing Him to teach me. It's not a bad thing that I'm fast at seeing the good, but to ignore and suppress my hurt for the sake of just not wanting to deal with it, is very harmful. 

If you're anything like me, then maybe the process of whatever it is your walking through is nothing new to you. The pain is the same, and you would do anything not to feel it anymore. Maybe you have dealt with it, talked through it, cried about it, and it happened again. You're disappointed for the millionth time, and you've developed more questions and cried more tears. Oh, sweet friend, if this is you too, please believe you're not alone. I'm in the corner with you. 

Perhaps, walking through the process of COVID has frustrated you to no end. COVID has turned the world upside down, and all of us have had to deal with finding new ways to live our lives, do our jobs, or have some sort of social life. Personally, after all of this is over, I never want to hear the phrase "social distancing" again…  

Whatever process you're walking through, it's okay not to be okay. It's okay to tell God how you're feeling and how you're doing. He's not going to turn away from you because He loves you. He desires to help you walk through this one small step at a time. 

In the time it took me to write this article, I came across the message below from my youtube feed. Please please please listen to this short 30-minute message. She perfectly describes my very thoughts and feelings behind this article. She even used specific wordage I had already written before I listened to it! (It was a gift from Jesus!) To know I wasn't the only person struggling through disappointment brought great encouragement to me. 

I know there is going to come a moment when God brings me to the other side of this journey. Even in the midst of the painful process, you and I have hope that God will never leave us. (Joshua 1:9, Deuteronomy 31:6, Isaiah 41:10) 

Our hope isn't finding the answers to make our situations better; our hope is in THE answer, Jesus. 

I know it's tough, and I know it's rough, but together as the body of Christ, we can proclaim with boldness and even tired raised hands that Jesus will come through. He will heal us, help us, love us, sing over us, comfort us, lead us, and abundantly embrace us over and over and over again. 

My love, He does have plans for your sweet life. He sees you, and He chooses to graciously and lovingly offer Himself to us every day. His arms are open to you and me, and His heart is for us. The kindness He bestows upon you is sweet, tender, and understanding. May we never forget that through everything we encounter on this earth, He is and will forever be worth it. 

Hold on to hope. 

Loving Enduringly,

Lo 

"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; and believe also in me." 

John 14:1 

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a_WBNFN4lM